I went for a walk on the beach today – first one this year.
There were no barriers.
I didn’t have any appointments or anything I “had” to do.
I didn’t have to convince a child to come with me – he went to work with his dad this morning leaving me with a quiet day to myself.
It was still warm outside mid morning, warm grey clouds hanging above the still, lightly lapping water.
The sand was grainy and the water was cool on my feet. It was so inviting.
So inviting, that I decided to go in the water, fully clothed.
Yes, I know, I could have whipped home quickly to get changed into my bathers, but I feared I’d talk myself out of going back if I went home.
So I stayed.
I went into the water and immersed myself, fully clothed and it felt amazing.
The water was cool, calm and relaxing.
My tense stomach relaxed and I enjoyed that feeling of not having to be anywhere or do anything.
The sky and the water was vast.
After yesterday’s visit to the beach, sunny and the sand crammed with people and beach towels and umbrellas, today was welcome relief.
I’m glad not too many people know about the beauty of spending time on the beach on an overcast day.
Air bubbles and thought bubbles
As I entered the water, little pockets of air bubbled their way up the legs of my gym pants.
And the thoughts bubbled up too.
With no-one to interrupt me and no headphones in my ears, I noticed the thoughts as they floated to make themselves known.
There was one thought that I recognised and stood out today. Something that’s spoken to me before but I’ve pushed it aside and kept pushing forward.
That thought – I can’t continue to do things with the sole purpose of wanting to lose weight because all it does is focus my attention on exactly what I don’t want. There are two areas in particular:
- I can’t do the weekly measuring because every time I start, my measurements increase.
- I can’t do the twice weekly weight training sessions at the gym, even though I have an amazing and supportive personal trainer, my clothes aren’t getting any looser.
I even berate myself for not being able to get up early (before my husband goes to work) to go for a walk on the beach to get it out of the way for the day.
That’s such a horrible thing to say – “to get it out of the way”. Going for a walk, especially a walk on the beach, shouldn’t be something I have to “get over and done with”.
I want it to be something I want to do, and enjoy – like the walk and impromptu immersion into the water today – smiling as I walked home dripping.
It was beautiful and outrageous (for me anyway). I felt rejuvenated afterwards and that’s how I want to feel after every walk on the beach. Because that’s what I need, rejuvenation, not punishment or speaking harshly to myself because I didn’t do something that other people have said is useful to do.
The critic in my head tell me I’m being lazy not wanting to go to the gym, but my body is telling me weight training isn’t for me right now. I can’t ignore my chronically low thyroid and chronic fatigue relapse and just push through it – doing that makes things worse and makes the fatigue go on for longer.
So for now, I’m just going to go with more listening to my own body because forcing myself to do something some expert told me I “should” be doing, causes more stress (which means weight gain) and really just isn’t working for me.
Even the Abraham-Hicks post today echoes my thoughts.